Thursday, September 07, 2006

Why Can't Kinky Make Up His Mind?

FLIP: "PRESS RELEASE: Immigration policy Kinky Friedman today said he ... supports a portion of the House bill, which calls for the construction of 700 miles of security fence along the U.S.-Mexico border and which would make illegal immigration a felony."

FLOP: "Friedman said Tuesday that he never called immigrants felons, calling a reporter "full of (expletive)" before apologizing... a spokeswoman said the initial statement was posted erroneously."

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FLIP: "When I talk about the five Mexican generals, people think I’m joking but I’m dead serious. I will divide the border into five jurisdictions, assigning one Mexican general to each and providing a trust fund for that general. Every time a person crosses illegally, we subtract $5,000 from the trust fund."

FLOP: "QUESTION: Other candidates have laid out policies on illegal immigration, including the use of the National Guard. Are you sticking by your idea of paying Mexican generals to keep would-be illegals on their side of the border? FRIEDMAN: No."

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FLIP: "My immigration policy is 'Remember the Alamo.'"

FLOP: "Asked about his own strategy for securing the border, Friedman said, 'I'm not sure. I don't have a plan.'"

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FLIP: "All of these politicians are afraid of offending Hispanics. I want the border off the evening news until we get something resolved."

FLOP: "I want the border on the nightly news every night."

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FLIP: "Good fences make good neighbors, and, Mr. Fox, help us build that fence."

FLOP: "Kinky believes that the U.S. Senate is on the right track--with a plan that includes limited amnesty for hard-working illegal immigrants."

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FLIP: "Kinky Friedman on Thursday asked Travis County prosecutors to investigate Comptroller Carole Keeton Strayhorn for possibly misusing state employees to help her campaign."

FLOP: "Kinky Friedman on Saturday disavowed the criminal complaint that his campaign for governor filed against independent rival Comptroller Carole Keeton Strayhorn, but Friedman declined to withdraw the complaint or apologize to Strayhorn."

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FLIP: "I'm not pro-life, and I'm not pro-choice. I'm pro-football."

FLOP: "Should Roe vs. Wade be overturned? Friedman: No. ... Are Texas laws too restrictive for adult women? Would you favor adding new restrictions or repealing current ones? Friedman: I have mixed feelings on parental notification. On the counseling requirement, I'm not sure, but I know the less I talk to social workers, the better. No issue with the public-funding restrictions, but I would want to investigate further."

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FLIP: "I am not anti-death penalty."

FLOP: "Let's do away with the death penalty."

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FLIP: "Who did you vote for in 2000? Friedman: I voted for Gore then."

FLOP: "According to Kerr County voting records, Friedman voted in the 2004 presidential general election but not in any other contest since 1994."

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FLIP: "After your bid for Justice of the Peace in ’86, you said you were leaving 'that worthless tar baby that is politics.'"

FLOP: "Kinky walked up the steps to the Secretary of State's office in Austin and submitted the paperwork necessary to make him a candidate for the office of Governor of Texas."

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FLIP: "Deer season may have ended, but that does not mean any of us are safe from an errant bullet fired by an errant bullethead. It only means that hunters have turned their cold sights from harmless Bambies and creatures that fly higher than their dreams to other prey. There is never a moment when a Texan cannot legally curl his finger 'round a happy trigger.... I do not suffer hunters gladly."

FLOP: "I’m not anti-hunting, I just don’t hunt. As far as gun control goes, in Texas the conceal-and-carry law is working really well; it’s cut crime and Ithink George W. did good with that one."

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Why can't Kinky make up his mind?

"I've been stoned a lot of times... And I don't regret any of it. I quit doing cocaine," Kinky says, "when Bob Marley fell out of my left nostril."

1 Comments:

Blogger Jonny.utsa said...

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7:16 AM

 

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